The Peep of the Day
Bee recommended an article entitled "Global Warning" in the April 11 New Yorker, and you should all get your hands on it. It tells us of a 19th century writer of "the earliest religious instruction the infant mind is capable of receiving," Mrs. Mortimer, who warns small children in very practical ways.
"How kind of God it was to give you a body! I hope that your body will not get hurt.
Will your bones break?--Yes, they would, if you were to fall down from a high place, or if a car were to go over them...
How easy it would be to hurt your poor little body!
If it were to fall into the fire, it would be burned up...If a great knife were run through your body, the blood would come out. If a great box were to fall on your head, your head would be crushed. If you were to fall out of the window, your neck would be broken. If you were not to eat some food for a few days, your little body would be very sick, your breath would stop, and you would grow cold, and you would soon be dead."
I wish Mrs. Mortimer had thought to warn me about getting your ears pierced. Although I guess the whole "great knife" thing is sort of like piercing. Including the blood part. Yes, today I wore earrings and lo, the blood did gush forth. It stopped when I switched to lighter earrings (in the middle of purchasing an unrelated, third pair of earrings) (a recap: pair #1, from Toni, gorgeous but blood-inducing; pair #2, the ones Tyka was wearing - we switched; pair #3, purchased today, very light).
Sancto Subito
Tyka deserves immediate sainthood for her role in the whole earring thing. As I whine like the 13-year-old that I am, "I can't do it!" she, good roommate that she is, helps me take out and put in earrings. She checks to make sure I got the backs on all the way. She doesn't complain about the blood.
And sorry, no pics yet due to surpreme laziness.
If You Give a Mouse a Cookie
If you give a mouse a weekend off work, she'll want some Sunday brunch.
If you sit her down at the table, she'll smell the coffee, and she'll ask if she can have some to go with her brunch.
If you give her some coffee, she'll try it plain.
If she tries it plain, she'll make a face and ask if you have any sugar to go with it.
If you give her some sugar, she'll accidentally pour too much in and ask for more coffee to go with it.
If you give her more coffee, she'll notice the cream.
If she notices the cream, she'll want some in her own coffee.
And then she'll be going straight to hell.
(My deepest thanks to Laura Numeroff, for bringing us "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie," and Lis for introducing the phrase "you're going straight to hell" into our lives in such a useful and meaningful way.)
"How kind of God it was to give you a body! I hope that your body will not get hurt.
Will your bones break?--Yes, they would, if you were to fall down from a high place, or if a car were to go over them...
How easy it would be to hurt your poor little body!
If it were to fall into the fire, it would be burned up...If a great knife were run through your body, the blood would come out. If a great box were to fall on your head, your head would be crushed. If you were to fall out of the window, your neck would be broken. If you were not to eat some food for a few days, your little body would be very sick, your breath would stop, and you would grow cold, and you would soon be dead."
I wish Mrs. Mortimer had thought to warn me about getting your ears pierced. Although I guess the whole "great knife" thing is sort of like piercing. Including the blood part. Yes, today I wore earrings and lo, the blood did gush forth. It stopped when I switched to lighter earrings (in the middle of purchasing an unrelated, third pair of earrings) (a recap: pair #1, from Toni, gorgeous but blood-inducing; pair #2, the ones Tyka was wearing - we switched; pair #3, purchased today, very light).
Sancto Subito
Tyka deserves immediate sainthood for her role in the whole earring thing. As I whine like the 13-year-old that I am, "I can't do it!" she, good roommate that she is, helps me take out and put in earrings. She checks to make sure I got the backs on all the way. She doesn't complain about the blood.
And sorry, no pics yet due to surpreme laziness.
If You Give a Mouse a Cookie
If you give a mouse a weekend off work, she'll want some Sunday brunch.
If you sit her down at the table, she'll smell the coffee, and she'll ask if she can have some to go with her brunch.
If you give her some coffee, she'll try it plain.
If she tries it plain, she'll make a face and ask if you have any sugar to go with it.
If you give her some sugar, she'll accidentally pour too much in and ask for more coffee to go with it.
If you give her more coffee, she'll notice the cream.
If she notices the cream, she'll want some in her own coffee.
And then she'll be going straight to hell.
(My deepest thanks to Laura Numeroff, for bringing us "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie," and Lis for introducing the phrase "you're going straight to hell" into our lives in such a useful and meaningful way.)
posted by Jess at 10:50 PM
2 Comments:
that's hilarious. as i read that "straight to hell" part i thought of lis. and then read on and noticed that was what you intended.
so... how's vegan living going?
and, also, SO SORRY to have given you SUCH HEAVY earrings. once your ears are a big stronger, i think you'll enjoy them very much.
Well, I'm feeling re-motivated for the fast. Which was the whole point of our women's group thingy last night, so - check. Not perfect, but more motivated.
I LOVE the earrings. I couldn't stop myself from trying them. I was fine for a few hours - but I should have switched them sooner. I'm going to give my ears a break and try them again.
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